How to Make Relationships Work

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This is probably the 1 Million $ question: How can I make my relationship work?

First of all: What is the definition of relationship? Relationship is a state of connectedness between people, especially an emotional connection. With everyone that you have ever met you established a relationship, even if it was only for a brief moment. Your neurological system then stores information in regards to this person and determines the connection that you have or had, based on information stored in your unconsciousness that might seem similar.

Let us clarify the purpose of relationship: All relationships are gifts of personal growth. In their essence they are mirroring something in us that needs resolving. You can only see something in others that you have in yourself. Given that fact, why is it that ‘It is HIS fault!’ is a common expression?

Unconsciously our soul recognizes the opportunity in seeing something mirrored back to us and the potential to resolve that issue. Consciously however we react, have games and habits that kick in, as soon as we feel that our personality (the ego) is being threatened. Commonly there are few ways the personality defends itself:

1. Projection: Putting the blame on someone else to deflect personal responsibility.

‘It is his fault!’

‘It is because they cannot read the instruction properly.’

2. Attack: Attacking the other person’s personality, character or sense of self, usually with the intent of making someone right and someone wrong (criticism) or to insult someone (contempt) or to scare someone into submission.

‘How dare you tell me…’

‘You are so…’

‘You never listen!’

3. Stone-walling: Withdrawing energy from the relationship, pretending not to hear, usually with the intent of avoiding conflict. Can be done by changing the subject, walking away, or silence.

4. Victimizing: Seeing self as the victim to avoid being attacked.

‘It is not fair!’

‘I did not know …’

‘It is always me who…’

It is irrelevant what kind of relationship is it that you want to make work, be it your intimate relationship with your girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, and spouse or with your kids, boss, co-workers, neighbors or clients – in essence it is all about your willingness to be present to your own issues, own them, communicate them and resolve them.

The difference you will experience in relating to different people is based on your emotional involvement and therefore your influence on each other. The closer someone is to you, the easier they can press your ‘hot buttons’, and bring up your unresolved issues from the past, and vice versa.

So are you ready to accept the gift to grow?

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Source by Nathalie Himmelrich